Tuesday, September 12, 2006

McConaughey Sick of Celebrities like McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey was ready for the big game Saturday versus #1 Ohio State. The one-time actor turned super-Longhorns fan, even gave the pre-game speech before the game.

"A very good team is coming to our house and wants to steal something that we own," McConaughey began, ". . . a national championship . . . when the University of Texas Longhorns play for the love of his brother lining up next to him, for the pride of giving his personal best every down, for the honor of every grandparent that could AND could not be at the game, the final whistle will blow and we will be victorious . . . the wannabe thieves will be sent home hurting, humbled, and with a respect for our character. "

The 'Horns went on to lose to Ohio State 24-7.

McConaughey addressed the press after the game. "I told [coach] Mack [Brown] I'd handle the post-game. This loss is not his fault. It's not the team's fault. It's my fault. Let's face it, my pre-game speech was flat and uninspired and my sideline effort was phoned in like McConaughey in The Wedding Planner. People like me who suck at what they do and still can't get enough attention make me sick."

McConaughey then admitted he takes his job as Texas' #1 fan very seriously. "You can rest assured that I will be back in week four with a better performance. I owe it to the team, the fans, and to Texas."

Any given Saturday during the college football season McConaughey can be found at Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium tossing the pigskin in the parking lot, before roaming the sidelines in a towel. He has become a fixture at games ever since the Longhorns started competing for the national championship, a quest which culminated in their victory over USC in the 2006 Rose Bowl. McConaughey was there, wedging himself into team photos, touching the championship trophy, and hugging many of the large, sweaty players who earned the vicotry.

"It's a good thing I'm a celebrity because those tickets were hard to get," he said. "I have this dream that one day they'll call my number and I'll get to run one play with the Horns. Man, just one play."

McConaughey has joined the ranks of Jack Nicholson of the Lakers, Spike Lee of the Knicks, and Stephen King of the Red Sox, as one of the nation's top celebrity sports fans.

"I take that role seriously too," he said. "Other teams have their big-shot celebrity, I'm proud to be with Texas. Those egomaniac celebrities using their celebrity status to get special tickets are just a bunch of jock-sniffing posers. Where were they when their team wasn't playing well? It's easy to be a Laker's fan when Kobe is running up and down the court. Celebrities who use their privilege to get in sideways with a team make me sick. They're not fooling anybody. Any more questions, guys?"

McConaughey plans to take week three off to go mountain biking with pal, and fellow Texan, Lance Armstrong. Texas will be on the road against rival Rice. McConaughey vows to be ready for game four, at home, versus Iowa State.

Others who are sick of McConaughey:


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