Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Minnesota Resident Already Sick of Winter

Eagan, MN - Friends and family are reporting that Jerry Konstantin, a forty-three year old computer programmer living in Minnesota, has already started declaring that he is sick of winter. Jerry's mom, who now lives in Florida, reported getting a complaint filled e-mail at approximately 10:37 AM December 26, the day after Christmas.

"Jerry never really liked the cold weather," Mrs. Konstantin said. "I think he was a little jealous when I retired and moved to Florida a few years ago. But it seems like with each winter his comments start earlier and earlier. At first I thought he was just joking around, but I think he's serious."

In the past Jerry would begin complaining about winter sometime in mid-February. But with each successive year his complaints have began in earnest earlier and earlier.

"I suppose December 26 is about as soon as you can really begin to complain about a Minnesota winter," Mrs. Konstantin said. "The holidays will usually keep your spirits up until then. After that you really have to fortify yourself with a lot of hot chocolate."

Jerry's disgust with the harsh Minnesota winters is often carefully concealed behind a thin veil of humor.

"It must be nice to live someplace warm," Jerry writes to his friends in California. "I suppose you don't even need a jacket most of the time! haha. It was 15 degrees here. What's the weather like there? No, wait, I don't want to know!"

Although he has lived in Minnesota his entire life, he says he's just damn tired of the cold winters.

"When I go out to shovel my driveway," Jerry writes, "It's like something out of the Space Program. I have to put on my parka, my moon boots, three layers of clothing. Then, when I open that garage door to go shovel, it's like opening the airlock from a remote moon base or something. What ever warm air remains in the garage rushes out into the cold, empty vacuum of Minnesota. And there I am, shovel in-hand, ready for my excursion."

Jerry has tried various activities to break the winter blues but nothing seems to work.

"I've tried snowmobiling but some winters you just don't get much snow," Jerry writes. "And besides, it's not really the snow that bothers me, it's the overcast skies, which last for months and months. It's the sun setting at 4:30, and the darkness, and wind which strips all the leaves from the trees and gets right down into the marrow of your bones, rattling your windows at night. Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by cold, bleak, nothingness. And it's at least twelve weeks before the ground will begin to thaw and I'll see flowers again."

After forty-three long, cold Minnesota winters, Jerry has resigned himself to his fate.

"This is my home, I guess," he writes. "All my friends are here and my wife's friends and family. I've made it through this many winters and I'll probably see as many more." Then he added, "Damnit."

This morning Jerry unearthed his driveway underneath a foot of snow. He then went inside to shower and change, and drove off to work.

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