700 Miles of Nonsense

You know, after watching campaign adds from both sides, I'm really depressed that best people put forward are America-hating, backroom dealing, lying scumbags! And it gets worse. Some people running for congress are actually into...sex!

The race for the Senate seat in Virginia has been hot since Republican George Allen uttered "makaka." Last week Allen hit Democrat Jim Webb with the proverbial folding chair when he cited sexual passages from Webb's books. Webb responded by saying if Allen wants to read graphic sex he should ask Lynn Cheney for a copy of her book Sisters. The book is 25 years old and Mrs. Cheney has completely disavowed it, claiming it is not her best writing. Readers, however, seem to disagree.

Said one reviewer on amazon.com, "This story of a Washington wife who leaves her powerful husband to join a woman's commune is charged with the kind of eroticism you just don't expect from the Second Lady of the United States of America. I was amazed at how graphically Ms. Cheney details the commune's daily 'massage classes' and their predictable free-for-all aftermaths, while at the same time delivering a devastating critique of phallocentric discourse in modern culture. I can't wait for the sequel, in which the Sisters declare war against the male-dominated multinational corporation that is threatening to foreclose on their commune. Four Stars!"

The book has been out of print for years. Copies are selling on amazon.com for $700.

Check it out it here.

Or, check out Mrs. Cheney's much more Republican warm fuzzy Our 50 States: A Family Adventure Across America here

Mrs. Cheney didn't appreciate Webb's reference, bashed CNN, and completely denied she's ever written anything sexually explicit, but the play was fair. The point is, obviously, that a person's writing has no relevance on how they perform in public service. The fact is God fearing people writing books laced with sexual content is simply nothing new. Jimmy Carter's done it, Newt Gingrich has done it, William F. Buckley has done it, and of course Bill O'Reilly has done it.

So, can we please stop playing dumb here, talking about who wrote what and when? Can we please get back to the real issues? That's right, I'm talking about what everyone is asking: if the plan to keep America safe is no longer "stay the course" what the hell is it? With Iraq breaking at the seams, North Korea's new nuclear capability, and the President now admitting previous dogmatically held beliefs are futile, my God what IS the plan??

Well, we don't know....um, but rest assured, everyone, um...top minds are working on it. Stay calm. What we do know is that the answer will involve no less 700 miles of fence. Is it an omniscient, deficit-reducing, nuclear-diffusing fence? Erm, well, no, it's just a really long fence. OK? That's the plan at this point: a big fence. Fences keep your dogs in. Good fences make good neighbors. Fences are what made America great. Sleep tight.

Fences aside, the one thing Bush does have going for him is that his fiction contains no sex--just a lot of lies about Iraq and some kind of plan to keep us safer.