Conservative Eats Liberal on Sunday Morning Show

All I want to know is: what happened? Ten years ago I used to watch “Politically Incorrect.” Host Bill Mahr would invite four guests to his round table to chat about current issues. There was always a token conservative or Republican at the table to give the debate some balance. Invariably these Republicans were crusty, wooden, sheepish, and squeamish. “My God,” I thought, “Can’t they find a Republican that can put a decent sentence together?” Most of the time they seemed completely lost or out of touch.

Of course that was 1996, and the most powerful person the Republicans could find was Bob Dole. Imagine that! Now Bob Dole wouldn’t even make it in the front door of a Republican controlled congress. The average Republican on TV is fatter, stronger, louder, more confident, and more patriotic than ever before. They are simply faster, smarter, and better; grown on a scientific diet of patriotism and vague Christian values; trained in the vast underground complexes of the RNC.

On the flip-side, Democrats seem to be getting wirier, whinier, and weaker all the time. What is going on? Their arch-lord Howard Dean looks like he could take a bite out of plywood, or tear a man’s tongue out with his bare hands. By contrast most Democrats on TV look like they just left the big game after pulling up limp.

Sunday on “This Week” a large Republican completely dominated a talking-points Democrat. Not only had the Republican seized a place at George Stephanopoulos’ table while the Democrat watched from a TV screen, but he handled the entire interview with a sublime combination of gung-ho patriotism and quarterback cockiness. The interview could be summed up in one phrase by the Republican, referring to the recent special election in California, “We got a win.” Simple as that. Need to know more? Please see the scoreboard.

Republicans were once a verbose bunch of old-timers who sounded completely out of touch with America. They were kind of like your grandfather at a holiday dinner. They’d tell you stories about the great war, about the depression, about the great Teddy Roosevelt. Now? The party simply hasn’t started until they arrive. And, over the course the evening, they’ll call you a coward if don’t agree with them. They’ll question your walk with God if you don’t vote with them. They’re building fences and invading countries and taking prisoners who eventually hang themselves rather than live another day captive without cause.

Ironically, the Democrats are right on many issues. They’re in-step with most Americans. Most Americans don’t want the government to have any say in their bedroom, or how they spend the last minutes of their lives, or what they do with their bodies. Most Americans just want the government to keep them safe and provide essential services. The Democrats are right on regarding these issues, but they just don’t know how to convey it. I knew once Bob Dole gave caughed up his URL during the '96 presidential debate he was going down in flames. In 2004 John Kerry seemed saddled with that same tongue-tying weight. I liked the man but, God bless him, he was a sour puss and out of step.

George W. Bush has, among other things, has started a revolution. I believe his legacy will be simply that he emboldened the Republican party. He is almost completely opposite his father who fumbled the keys to the fierce political machine Ronald Reagan had fashioned to Bill Clinton in 1992. Now, thanks to his son, Republicans walk around like giants, crushing opponents who appear to be any where near thoughtful or rational. People may make fun of his wincing grammar, his podium leering, his simplistic view of reality, but at the party he's the guy whose approval you want. Not that liberal in the corner boring anyone who will come within earshot. Oh, is he evoking JFK again? That was 50 years ago, pal.

Democrats are hoping to win seats in congress due to sagging Republican numbers. Rep. John Murtha is already eyeing the prize. He’s talking about being the majority leader in the House of Representatives this November. The only problem is that the liberals haven’t won anything, yet. And, after California’s special election loss to the Republicans, they still haven’t proven they can win anything. They’d better keep their eye on the ball and figure out how not to be a buzzkill. They don’t even know they’ve turned into yesterday’s desperate Republican.