8-Limbed Girl Has Successful Surgery

"Doctors in southern India completed a grueling 24-hour operation Wednesday on a girl born with four arms and four legs that surgeons said will give the 2-year-old a chance at a normal life." - Washington Post


Bangalore, India - Nature was thwarted again as doctors removed six limbs from a young girl born in India. This event caps a series of successful evolutionary checks by humans, grinding adaptation to a halt.

"People are too smart for their own good," Nature was quoted as saying in a wide ranging interview. "I'm trying everything I can think of. I give them two heads and they pair them off. I give them extra limbs and they just discard them. Hello? Work with me here."

Nature expressed dismay over man's lack of appreciation for innovation.

"Humans need to learn to take the long view," Nature advised. "Sure, they're not used to seeing someone with eight limbs but a million years from now that could be the norm. Eight limbed people! Think about it! The first human with an opposable thumb was viewed with contempt too. Well, who's laughing now?"

Meanwhile doctors rejoiced at the successful outcome of the 40 hour surgery.

"This girl can now lead as good a life as anyone else," said Dr. Sharan Patil, who led a team of more than 30 surgeons in the marathon procedure to remove Lakshmi's extra limbs, salvage her organs and rebuild her pelvis area.

The girl, named Lakshmi, was revered in her remote Indian village before the surgery. Children born with deformities in deeply traditional parts of India are often viewed as reincarnated gods. The young girl is no different she is named after the four-armed Hindu goddess of wealth.

"You see? She could have been a god!" Nature said. "I just don't understand people at all. I'm giving up. I'm going to concentrate on dolphins for a while. Humans just don't know a good thing when they see it."

Nature then predicted that within a few hundred millennia Dolphins could conceivably have the ability to govern themselves and be on the verge of inventing the sitcom.

"That is if I don't get called into a lot of bullshit meetings," Nature said. "These things take time."