Thursday, May 10, 2007

My Review of Spiderman 3

It sucked.

The movie is about the power of choice and the ironic thing is that it grossed $150 million over the first weekend, proving people, like me, will watch anything. This movie is a cinematic horn-of-plenty featuring no less than three villians, two damsels in distress, two super heroes, a cosmic sludge with transformational powers, and one James Cromwell sighting.

When it's all said and done "Spiderman 3" manages to nullify its powers and settles safely into "Superman Returns" land, where, by the end of the movie the viewer is wondering what the hell just happened.

For example, the film gives you villain Flint Marco who has been a victim of circumstance, leading to a life of crime. You get a chance to see how he really does care for his daughter and how he would probably do things better if he could. So it only follows that, later, when he is transformed into Sandman, essentially a second chance on life, he goes on a city-wide killing spree. In-fact, Sandman grows so powerful
the writers couldn't figure out how to kill him off. He simply floats away at the end of the movie after Spiderman forgives him.


Topher Grace has no place in this movie. His smarmy, frat boy vibe ruins the whole feel of this thing. He later becomes Venom, shoehorned into one of the most uninspired action film endings ever.

When not screwing up the antagonists the film gives you healthy doses of Peter Parker, Mary Jane, and the James Franco character whining about crap. Peter Parker is sabotaged by a crawling black substance from space which transforms the quiet geek into a some type of mean-spirited funk master.


"Spiderman 3' wins a Poochy Award for being completely overblown and void of any substance. By the end of the movie you're just begging for someone to die.

I eagerly await this summer's next, huge comic book movie. Yes, I'm talking about the "Fantastic Four" sequel which proves Hollywood's singular ability to create money ex nihilo (Latin for: out of bullshit). Just the fact that they've made a sequel from what was one of the worst movies of 2005 should insult you deeply. This time they've conjured up the Silver Surfer, voiced by Lawrence Fishburne and played by a T-1000 from "Terminator 2." Also scattered about the plot are Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, and that bald guy from "The Shield." Should be great.

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