First Lady Secretly Believes Troops Are About Five Years Old

First lady Laura Bush cautioned Wednesday that Americans discussing the war in Iraq - especially politicians - should be careful what they say because other countries are paying attention.

"Responsible candidates understand that the men and women of our military are risking their lives for us, and that we must conduct our debate here at home in a way that does not jeopardize our troops in harm's way," she said, calling for "conversations conducted with civility and respect."

The first lady then suggested rather than mention key words in our debates those words should now be spelled out, in an attempt to keep troop morale as high as possible.

"We all know this thing is going to h-e-l-l right before our eyes," she demonstrated with a smile. "But the t-r-o-o-p-s don't need to hear that, OK? We're in a tough fight in I-r-a-q. We're going to win this w-a-r. The t-e-r-r-o-r-i-s-t-s will not. There, now isn't that much better?"

Despite the spelling out of indicative words, the troops still seem clever enough to discern when they are being fooled, cajoled, chided, or sent on extremely dangerous missions with inadequate equipment or for which they have had no training. No amount of careful discourse seems to be able to stem their natural longing to take a hot shower, play with their children, and kiss their spouse just one more time.

President Bush initially applauded the idea to spell out key words, but failed miserably during a practice run.

If the debate escalates to the point where spelling key words is no longer practical the First Lady further suggested that our elected leaders at least fight in a car outside in the driveway, or, if at all possible, at least after the troops have gone to bed.