Sunday, November 12, 2006

Years of Church Failed Haggard

Ah, the short, happy, influential and homo-erotic ministry of Ted Haggard, it just keeps getting better.

Breaking news from Daily Kos reports that "a lot" of other evangelical leaders knew about Haggard's "sexual problem" for "awhile." The report quotes an article in Talk to Action which says:

Then, as if things could not get worse, there was the disgrace of Sheldon's own friend and colleague, Rev. Ted Haggard, the Colorado mega-church leader and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, an even bigger pillar of Republican support on the Christian right. Sheldon disclosed that he and "a lot" of others knew about Haggard's homosexuality "for awhile ... but we weren't sure just how to deal with it."

Months before a male prostitute publicly revealed Haggard's secret relationship with him, and the reverend's drug use as well, "Ted and I had a discussion," explained Sheldon, who said Haggard gave him a telltale signal then: "He said homosexuality is genetic. I said, no it isn't. But I just knew he was covering up. They need to say that."

Wow, that sucks. Dr. James Dobson should have tried to de-gay Haggard a long time ago.

I don't really understand how they couldn't know what to do. I mean isn't THIS what they've been training their whole lives for? These guys foam at the mouth about gays and when they meet one they're not sure what to do? Come on, you have one right in your midst, fooled by your own religion. The fish jumped right into the boat!

I mean, sure, the guy was a cash cow. Sure, the guy was on the verge of getting the all-important gay marriage ban passed in Colorado. But come on, his actions were endangering his wife. I mean if ever there was an attack on marriage isn't this it? And these pillars of faith, defenders of marriage, didn't know what to do? It just blows me away that none of these great Christians seemed too worried about the well-being of Haggard's wife.

What's with all of this newfound tolerance? Haggard has a large church ready to forgive him and a team of people ready to exorcise his flaming gay demon. Listen, I'm sure I speak for millions of hyped up bigots when I say: people aren't tithing every week so their ministers can suddenly learn to embrace tolerance. They're not giving up their NFL pregame show so Ted Haggard can be anointed with tears. They do not want you to go and learn what this means: God desires mercy and not sacrifice. Haggard is gay. He's a gay man. He's steeped in gayness. You guys hate gays. Connect the dots and get him out...right?

I suggest a very strict, one strike policy. Yes. Every Bible believing minister caught having gay sex, cheating on his wife, and/or doing meth, should be sent to toil in the right-wing's underground sugar caves.

And as for you people who follow them down, I'm going to start begging. Yes, I'm begging you people who hate gays so much because of what you hear in church to stop wasting your lives, please. They're having gay sex or covering it up while you do the real dirty work. Please, seek help. Leave people alone. Take the beam out of your own eye. Hold your ministers accountable. Better yet, stop going to church and detox for a while. Clear the air. The first step is to admit you have a problem.

I'm going to start a detox clinic for people wishing to reform from organized religion...right after I stop throwing up about this.

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