Thursday, May 25, 2006

Pat Robertson's Robust, Living Thighs (and other thoughts)

Pat Robertson is not only the host of a daily, national TV show, head of a world-wide ministry, and predictor of world events, but he can leg-press 2,000lbs. Simply put: he's greater than you or me put together. What in God's name is the source of his amazing energy and power? His "age-defying" protein shake.*

Apparently, when not forecasting God's next move, or advocating political assignations, Robertson likes to hit the gym hard-core style and throw the weights around. For a little extra edge he has concocted a protein shake that can** grant you the strength of Sampson with flowing mane. According to, the shake can also help you "increase your energy and re-gain that youthful appearance! Pat Robertson’s Robust Living booklets have all the age-defying secrets you need to feel great!" So, just in-case God hasn't made you feel good enough about yourself, you can sip some of this shake and turn back the clock to better days, or strap on a set and get ripped in the gym.

The best part? It works. Robertson doesn't look a day over 76. He has also discovered there is virtually no limit to his leg pressing abilities.

According to the story, Robertson's leg-press workout had gone up to 1,400 lbs when his physician bet him he couldn't leg-press 2,000. "He worked up multiple reps of 1,400 pounds, 1,500 pounds, 1,600 pounds, 1,700, pounds, 1,800 pounds and 1,900 pounds. When 2,000 pounds was put on the machine two men got on either side and helped push the load up, and then let it down on Mr. Robertson, who pushed it up one rep and let it go back down again.***" Amen. And amen.

This gives Mr. Robertson the unofficial title of World's Strongest Thighs and also crushes the celebrity senior citizen record of 400 lbs held by former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright.

The official world record, by the way, is 1335 lbs, by a Florida State University weightlifter whose capillaries burst in his eyes while making the press.

You can buy Robertson's shake by simply tuning in to his viewer-funded broadcast where he'll happily sell you some of his secrets as an extension of his tax-free ministry. The shake is now also available at GNCs everywhere.

For a clip Pat pressing 1,000 lbs, check it out here. His face looks like it's about to explode in holy fury, Raiders of the Lost Ark-style.

* Shake does not actually defy aging. Also available in pancake batter.
** Shake cannot increase your strength.
*** No F***ing way, man.

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