Wednesday, March 08, 2006

AMA Urging Girls Not To Go Wild This Spring

The American Medical Association has released shocking findings, warning women about the dangers of spring break. The AMA is now urging women to not go wild during this annual tradition. In an anonymous poll of 644 college women aged 17-35, 83% said that spring break involves heavier than usual drinking, and 74% said it results in increased sexual activity. Conversely, 17% said they were drunk and 26% were having sexual intercourse during survey.

“Contrary to popular belief, we feel it is better if girls do not go wild during spring break,” said Mary McAllister, of the AMA. “I too once responded to the siren call of body shots and cage dancing at an exotic beach-front bar during spring break. But in the end, being irresponsible just isn’t worth the risk.”

Many women reported getting sick from drinking, blacking out, and having unprotected sex or sex with more than one partner thereby increasing the risk of sexually transmitted disease or unwanted pregnancies.

“Duh. That’s the whole point!” Christy Stevens, a junior at Kansas State University, commented. “I wouldn’t touch most guys with a ten-foot pole, but put me down in Florida on spring break, give me a few rum runners, and I go crazy. That’s the whole idea.”

30% of women surveyed said spring break was an essential part of college life.
74% used it as an excuse to exercise in outrageous behavior such as public nudity and table dancing.

Based on this evidence the AMA is pushing for a more responsible Spring Break in 2006 such as spring break “service” trips with Habitat for Humanity.

“Where’s the booze? Where’s the unprotected sex? Where’s the heightened sense of self esteem?” Stevens wants to know. “I need that. I’ve been studying hard all fall, and winter. Spring break means summer is almost here, baby!”

When presented with the option of building a house with Habitat for Humanity she scoffed. “Build a house? Yeah, let’s raise a barn! I’m not Amish for a reason, ok?”

Still, the AMA remains resolute and undaunted.

“We’ll get our message across, one college female at a time. Irresponsible and irrational behavior wont stand up next to the logic and reasoning behind exercising self-control and helping your fellow man.”

John Pullman, of Students for a Kick Ass Spring Break, said, “Spring break does help your fellow man. It helps a lot of men, trust me. I can’t get it any other way unless I meet a woman, loaded at the club. And so spring break is educational. It’s teaching me some real life skills, unlike most of the classes I take.”

Will the ADA’s message eventually take hold? Will it be able to compete with the sweet seduction of drunken, unprotected sex, women being denegrated, while potentially being filmed by strangers for distribution onto the internet or video? Only time will tell.

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