My Take on Baby Boomers Turning 60 (from a bitter Gen-Xr)

The baby boomers are turning 60!

The baby boomers are turning 60!

Wow, this one is all over the news. How exciting! What does it mean for you and me?

10. Every show you watch will be surrounded by commercials for prostate medicine, erectile dysfunction, and balding.

9. If you are the child of a baby boomer Social Security will not be around when you turn 60.

8. I predict older people will become hideously more grotesque due to increased plastic surgery. Have you seen Joan Rivers? Her face is tighter than a snare drum. It looks like one of those Planet of the Apes masks where only the lips move. Wait until they start using cybergenic implants.

7. Cybergenic implants will become available, leagal, and fashionable. Many boomers slowly become more machine than man.

6. Stem cell research will become legalized. As the benefits of stem cell research will be able to curb the very things that strike old people, Baby Boomers will make this one legal.

5. Abortion will become illegal. In an attempt to shore up relations with the Almighty before departing this world Boomers will strike down Roe v Wade.

4. Boomers will invade and annex Canada. There are 75 million Boomers and 32 million Canadians, and the Boomers want that free health care, the pharmaceuticals, and vaccines baaaad.

3. After consuming Canada the Boomers will move south and invade Mexico. Since there are 105 million Mexicans the Boomers will have to settle for only Northern Mexico, creating a giant entitlement and retirement wasteland from Miami to Guadalajara.

2. Boomers will become self aware. It's difficult to tell whether they will consume the captive human race or merely enslave them.

1. Boomers will sow their genetic seed into the stardust of supernovas the wonderous process begins all over again. (We are stardust. We are golden. And we've got to get ourselves back to the garden.)

What I have seen speaks for itself. The world will be taken over, conqured if you will, by a master race of highly intelligent, and immortally robotic Baby Boomers. One thing is for certain, there is no stopping them. And I for one welcome our future Boomer overlords. I would like to remind them that as a trusted internet correspondent I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.