Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Gatekeeper, The Keymaster, and Jim Morrison

note: this post is not about sex or St. Louis.

I'm happy to say Thought Alarm has grown in popularity. Honestly, I never thought anyone would read this rag, this unaccountable form of yellow journalism. From its humble beginnings as a mere intellectual escape, it has grown, and become very enjoyable. For this reason I've decided not to post about work anymore. Because, it's not cool, OK kids? I have a few rules for my little ones:

1. Don't smoke
2. Don't do drugs
3. Don't go stripping in the woods
4. Don't blog about co-workers

I mean, so what if Meterosexual is now DATING Starbucks girl? It was inevitable I suppose. I sit here and spew because it's like the Gatekeeper meeting the Keymaster--I'm pretty sure it's a sign of the end times. But, what are we going to do about it if it is? I can't control it. Like Jim Morrison said: "I'll tell you this man... I'll tell you this: I don't know what's going to happen, man, but, I hope I get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames. Alright? Alriiight!" This place isn't so bad. I have a nice view of the ants 200 feet below, and Fridays are jeans day!

We all know one of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is only worrying about that which you can control. So, for everyone's best interest, I must stick to the things which I can control: the economy, politics, and the internets. Alan Greenspan is my financial advisor. Howard Dean is my private doctor. When the internet slows down, that's me throwing the lever, just to keep you guys awake.

This blog is not just a private journal, but a beacon of hope. I beam it out of the 22nd floor of a dark monolith of capitalism, to the world. Yes, like Radio Free Europe (that's a great band name by the way).

"Dude, did you see Radio Free Europe?"
"Yeah man, back in '89."

//2nd aside
I think it would be kind of funny to print faux band t-shirts.

//3rd aside
People actually tune into this thing, and I'm glad.

Rest assured, faithful readers, I will continue to uphold the highest standards of journalistic integrity: quoting out of context, distorting facts, and massive fabrication. Please stay tuned for my interview with Sean Hannity.

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