Stem Cells Ease Muscle Disease in Dogs

In promising new research, adult stem cells worked remarkably well at easing symptoms of muscular dystrophy in dogs, an experiment that experts call a significant step toward treating people.

This is how smart scientists are, people. They're going to use stem cell research to help dogs first, thereby reducing objections among humans. Even though the less controversial adult stem cells were used in this case, I predict resistance to the all stem cell research should begin to fall if more dogs are healed. I mean look at how cute that dog is! What a good puppy!

Listen, let's be frank, people love dogs. Who couldn't love a dog? A godless communist! Thus, if dogs can be helped by stem cell research what type of person wouldn't be in favor of it? I would like to meet the heartless bastard who would rather see a dog suffer than helped. How can you be for saving embryos if you yourself lack a soul? How can you be against helping puppy dogs and little kittens? Gee, mister, what did that puppy ever do to you? What a cute puppy!

You see, ignoring human suffering is part of the human condition and the movies have desensitized us even further. But one area even the movies fear to tread is the shadowy realm of animal abuse. One sure way to establish a villain's defilement is to have him harm a helpless animal. All bets are off if that happens and you know you're dealing with a tough son of a bitch. Even in Borat there's a scene where it looks like he's going to slit a chicken's throat, and, after all of the other insane things he'd done in the movie, I thought, he can't slit that chicken's throat! That's going too far! He can fool people into thinking he's a journalist and then humiliate them on film, but I'll be damned if I'll see a chicken get harmed.*

If I have this weakness then surely you must have it. You may not care about humans suffering and dying from would-be treatable diseases but what if your little Fluffy could be helped? What about Mr. Biggles or Fu-fu? What if they could be renewed by the power of the blood? Ahh, now that *is* something indeed. After all, what has that dog ever asked of you? That dog has shown you love even when you got fired from your job. That dog was there when you broke up with your boyfriend. What a good dog! Sit. Stay! Good puppy!

As one in favor of stem cell research I can tell you that knowing puppies are being helped warmed my heart much more than, say, Michael J. Fox. Call me crazy, but if my prior existence as a ministry student and Republican has taught me anything it's that the human element can be so easily discarded. But what science and puppies have taught me is that there's more to life than not caring about people. Pets matter! I suppose then that even people matter! Life, my friends....life matters!

I'll bet even Rush Limbaugh, who so easily attacked the afflicted Fox, had a pet when he was a kid. Maybe he didn't and that is why he is the way he is. But even if he grew into one of those teenagers abusing animals, I'm willing to bet there's still a cold spot in his heart that longs for the warm, unconditional love that only a dog can give. What a good puppy!

Let celebrities die if you must, Mr. Limbaugh, all you who hate science and progress, but I dare you to let dogs suffer. What a good dog! Give us a kiss! Good puppy!


*no chickens were harmed

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